ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
