My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
