He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
