Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
