You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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