Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sext me about skeletons
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way