After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check