I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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