and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
