i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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