I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
