I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have demons in me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize