She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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