I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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