Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
