I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
