watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
