one two three fourrrrnication!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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