So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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