You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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