Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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