She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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