i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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