I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
