??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
