mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
