I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
