and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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