you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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