soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
