i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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