do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have grass duct taped all over my body
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
