I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
