Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
