i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My pussy is not your playground.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
