I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
