I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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