he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize