and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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