You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
