Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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