I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize