Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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