I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
