You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
