So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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