so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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