Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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