He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
