1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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