the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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