just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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