I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
