We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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