i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
