The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
