we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
