How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
