So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize