oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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