butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
