Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
