My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
