How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
