He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
