she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
