She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
