But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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