end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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