i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
